


Odi et Amo

by DoreyG



Series: Suns Once Shone [2]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: (Very much sort of), (sort of), Blackmail, Complicated Relationships, First Time, Love/Hate, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 10:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4916485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What are you doing here?" G'Kar spits, the moment he opens the door and finds him awkwardly standing on the threshold, "go <i>away</i>."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Odi et Amo

"What are you doing here?" G'Kar spits, the moment he opens the door and finds him awkwardly standing on the threshold, "go _away_."

"No," he says quite simply, and steps forward. He should be terrified, he knows, but somehow terror is not foremost of the tangle of emotions that he's feeling, "we need to talk."

"There is nothing for us to talk about," G'Kar snaps. And, yes, he really should be terrified - but somehow, with the burning hot way G'Kar is looking at him, he cannot quite manage it, "unless you want to apologize for all your sins and painfully kill yourself in front of me. But, then, I don't see that involving much talking."

"G'Kar-"

"More screaming. Painful spluttering? Mmm, yes, the thought of that is rather-"

"You kissed me," he hisses, before G'Kar can get any further into his litany of painful death noises. And it should feel satisfying to see the Narn grind to a halt, but he's become used to seemingly prized things turning to ashes in his mouth "...And unless you want me to repeat that at a far louder volume, you are going to let me in right this moment."

G'Kar stares at him for a long few moments, shadows in his eyes so deep that he could search for years and never fathom them.

"Just like you, Mollari," G'Kar sighs, and steps aside in a submission so begrudging that it barely seems like a victory, "to blackmail with absolutely everything that happens to you."

He glides into G'Kar's rooms, trying to hold as much of his dignity around him as possible. The rooms are as small as he remembers, as dark, as oddly intimate. He coughs, trying not to look too closely for fear of giving offence, turns slowly on his heel...

To find that G'Kar has already shut the door behind them, is staring at him with something that wants to be loathing but that somehow falls far short.

"You know," he says, and is unsure why his throat goes dry at that look fixed upon him, "I believe the common saying is just like a Centauri."

G'Kar looks unimpressed, angrily unimpressed. But that look lingers in his eyes, "I know what I said, Mollari."

"I suppose you think so," he tries, perhaps grasping for the old comfortable fire between them, but G'Kar only keeps glaring at him. Implacable, a glacier where there should be a volcano "...You look well, after our ordeal."

"I did not allow you to enter for small talk, Mollari," G'Kar snaps icily, wrong and frozen and so very distant... Except for his eyes, "tell me what you want, and get out."

Yes.

...His eyes, they are as right and hot and close as ever.

"I don't know exactly what I want," he admits, and hurriedly holds up his hands as G'Kar starts forwards with teeth bared, "tell me why you kissed me."

"Then you do know what you want," G'Kar snarls, difficult to the very last. In his death dream the Narn is just as stubborn, he swears that it used to bring him some measure of peace, "you want to know the answer to _that_."

"But I do not know what I wish to do with the answer," he gives, as honestly as he can. And oh, only now does he realize how long it's been since he's been truly honest, "and that is the important thing, I feel."

G'Kar falls to staring at him again. Expression still shadowed, eyes telling an entire epic that he can't quite make out.

"...Well?"

"I hate you, Mollari," G'Kar says consideringly, in much the same way that you'd comment on the sun rising or Commander Ivanova being a terrifying human being, "and I've hated a lot of people, I've lived a long and stubborn and violent life, but... Never quite like you."

He stills, despite himself, resists the urge to lick his lips. He doesn't want to admit it, but what G'Kar is saying... Well, it is disturbingly close to what he has been thinking, "you kissed me because you hate me?"

"You forget that I have met all three of your wives, Mollari," G'Kar says, mouth moving into a sour pout. And he does not know when he started focusing only on G'Kar's mouth, but there seems little stopping it, "this should not be such an obscure concept to you."

"It is not," he allows begrudgingly, and still cannot stop staring. He should be able to stop, but he _cannot_ , "it's just..."

"Sometimes the only thing I can think of is you," G'Kar interrupts him with a bitter little laugh, a clench of his jaw as if this is just one more burden to bear from the great Londo Mollari, "odd, no? I should be thinking of anything else - diplomatic scraping, freeing my world, the moral dissolution of the Centauri - but I cannot tear my mind from you. I hate you, I _hate_ you, and yet all I can contemplate is crawling inside your skin."

"G'Kar-" he starts, still inevitably fixed, still inevitably breathless.

"Burning you to death from inside out," G'Kar sighs, and steps forward - presses an ever so rough hand to the side of his neck, "grinding your bones to rubble, turning your blood to ash, making you think only of _me_. My name always on your lips, an endless screech of _agony_."

"G'Kar-"

"Yes," G'Kar smiles, and his smile is as resigned as a sob, "exactly like that."

"G'Kar..."

"Like _that_."

When they kiss, this time, he tastes blood on his lips. Even hours later, even as he screams into G'Kar's neck and G'Kar growls against his temple, he's not sure who's it is.


End file.
